Like an awkward pubescent teen who’s just about to pop his cherry, this coming Friday is the one day of the year I’ve been both looking forward to and dreading in equal measure. It’s the day that any grown man who hides behind his laptop and expresses his opinions/feelings via online copy fears the most. And no it’s not when your girlfriend walks in on you watching Womb Raider 3. It is in fact the arduous, onerous, yet honourable task of being ‘the best man’.
Now despite having had over 8 months to prepare for this day, time has not been a great healer, and to say I’m shitting myself would be putting it mildly.
Having said that, I’ve had my speech prepared well in advance (which is very much out of character for me) and I’ve been rehearsing in front of the mirror for the past week. Has this helped with my nerves? Absolutely not! You see a successful best man speech is a fine balancing act. On one hand you’ve got Dave from accounts eagerly anticipating the ‘powdering your nose’ innuendo, and then on the other you’ve got Grandma Joan demanding a complete recall of the grooms childhood concluding with pictures of him in the bath when he was a baby. And I suppose it’s that knack of pleasing all parties which truly terrifies me.
As many best men before me, I’ve been busy researching speech structure, experimenting with amusing antidotes, and taking on tips for keeping how to keep my nerves in check. But if all else fails I’ve drawn the conclusion that these Lenok Shoes from Northern Cobbler I’ve invested in for the occasion just do the trick of diverting peoples attention away from my sweaty stuttering dish.